Where to you ask? Never mind, you will not get a convincing answer after watching Endhiran, The Robot, Memory 1 Zetabyte, Speed 1 Terabyte, advanced humanoid robot... Oops! It's almost like I walked out of the multiplex a Chitti! While i am typing this rant about the movie on a 20k netbook, Mr. Kalanidhi Maran, the nouveau producer (obviously you would scoff at me if i called him nouveau riche) is laughing, nay he seldom does that in public, so let's say seriously driving his car to the bank seeing $$$,$$$,$$$, on his speedometer, on the traffic lights, on his rear mirror, on the road, oh man i think he will just rename his nouveau production unit as $un Picture$. It would make perfect sense.
Consider this hypothetical scenario, of course Chitti would not, but, since we are humans, if TN were instead Afghanistan, a country ravaged by different wars waged by different countries to suit different agendas and Osama Bin Laden was indeed in hiding there. I think Sun Pictures would have ensured that he came out of hiding to watch Endhiran or atleast given up terrorism for 24 hours to watch the movie. Isn't that what he did to us?
Why 24 hours?
2hrs - Climbing down the mountain holding on to underside of his trusted donkey
3hrs - Hitch-hiking on a humvee to the nearest theatre (Ofcourse, after taking off his disguise, you knew that his turban and beard were fake!)
1hr - Collecting complimentary tickets for the movie (Because of the queue and other offshoots of the sun strategy)
4hrs - Watching Endhiran, The Robot, Memory 1 zetabyte, speed 1 terabyte (here i go again...)
3hrs - Hitch-hiking back to base of mountain range on a MRAP vehicle this time
5hrs - Climbing up the mountain with Frodo's Elven cloak wrapped around him hiding him from unfriendly eyes (I guess Peter Jackson let him borrow it after LOTR)
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| MRAP (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected Vehicles) with trusted donkey in foreground | . |
$un Picture$ copied their marketing strategy from super confidential, highly classified, top secret, covert US Military Manuals. Of course these manuals i suppose should be easily available after a few clicks on WikiLeaks (the new google for documents of that nature). Proof for the strats copy? You only have to recollect the headlines of mainstream media a few weeks ago. Carpe Diem the endhiran carpet bomb baby! While our neurons were supercharged to numbness and beyond with Endhiran mania, for the lucky ones, the immune system kicked in and i reckon they opted for an ascetic's life for a month and for the rest, you know what I am talking about... Yeah, we were made to feel a social outcast without that movie ticket! Peer pressure? No, this is pressure pureed into that bloodstream which feeds our brain stem and the cerebral cortex. What a strategy! I am sure even General Petraeus would agree that the Sun strategy worked. He may even try it in Afghanistan.
Oh wait a minute! Did it really work? or Is it all an illusion? Rajnikanth fans can take the blue pill and go to sleep now. For the gmail@rajnikanth.com fanboys read on (yeah no red pill for u, they are woefully out of stock after the matrix released). The movie is a big let down for the fans that indulged and fanned the sun strategy to success. Yes, i am talking about the people you saw on TV garlanding, paalabishekaming (yes, the spelling is wrong) cheek piercing and generally milling about the theatres throwing confetti at 3 am. I think gmail@rajnikanth has to make up for it. No, i am not talking about changing his email.
For those still wondering why the split up does not add upto 24 hours. Come on people! No matter what the US government would like you to believe, Osama Bin Laden is a homo sapien and he needs his 6 hours of beauty sleep.
Last week, a theatre in Vellore had 10 people watching the movie on a Sunday-Matinee show (For the skeptics, yes, the theatre capacity was more than 10 people). Yesterday, when I watched the movie, there were <50 people in Screen 2 at Inox, Chennai. But, that's beside the point. We will let Mr.Maran worry about that.
What worked for the movie?
$$$$ Rajnikanth
$$$ Aishwarya Rai
$$ Songs - video & locales
$$$$$ Chitti 2.0
$$$$ CGI sequences
(Rajnikanth worth only a $ in northern india, lots of gmail@rajni fanboys around)
Scenes shot when Shankar was in limbo (unwanted, offensive, leading up to)
--- Dr.Sana rape attempt in train by menacing looking 80's kinda villain (could Shankar not think of a different lead up to the train stunts?)
----- Selvi shouting "kaapathunga kaapathunga/Save me" whilst in bathtub and after Chitti's
arrival says "Don't come near me!" and the atrocity does not end there, Shankar kills her off.
- Two songs, Kaadhal Anukkal & Irumbile Oru Idhaiyam start off after Sana kisses Rajni on the cheeks. The third one 'Arima Arima'almost starts off with a kiss. As an audience demand, please can we have a better lead up next time around?
---- Chitti in mosquito mode. Like we did not notice the movie was long already!
What was missing?
--
Rajni intro, Rajni punches, Rajni worship, Rajni stunts...
In other words, everything a Rajni movie is supposed to be - this is not.
In tamil tablo-journal A.Vikatan, an article was published this week. A series of questions posed to Rajni by KB and as always it was the last question/answer which was interesting and offered some insight into Rajni's thinking.
KB : Rajnikanth, the actor, has lots of potential. Why do you not opt for character roles like Amitabh? It is my desire to see you in a movie like Cheeni Kum!
RK : I do not have too much of a desire to perform those roles. Big commercial movies are the ones I am attracted to.
No doubt, his fans are rejoicing that as no doubt Kamal fans will too! But, on the flipside if he continues shedding his skin - that of a mass hero to one that storms just the multiplexes, his fans will be disappointed to say the least.
Finally, the lamest part of the movie was no doubt the climax. A big let down which prompted me to write this in the first place. As always Shankar has to have a scene shot in the court, whether it is out of respect to the Indian Judicial System or mockery to it, we will let Shankar prove in his next movie. The judges hand down a sentence of GUILTY to Vaseegaran and Chitti intervenes. Boy oh Boy! A robot in court with the entire constitution in its flash memory. We would'nt need a judge would we ? Is that what Shankar was trying to tell? A ponderous thought, no doubt, i will let you readers ponder.
Chitti meanwhile narrates a specific passage from the lawbook -
"... evidence both material and immaterial can be submitted in court under section..."
thereby paving way for its testimony and eventually helping Shankar wrap up his magnum opus. But, not before the most honorable, respected time-tested judge of the Indian Court utters the most common phrase concerning the judiciary in Indian Cinema,
You may proceed!
